


A Song for Dan and Phil

by phanatic_at_the_disco



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: D & P, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan Howell - Freeform, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, Song Lyrics, Suicide, Suicide Notes, TRiggers at the start of each chapter, one shots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 18:23:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5508098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanatic_at_the_disco/pseuds/phanatic_at_the_disco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't forget about me</p>
<p>Based off of the song by Twenty One PIlots- Doubt, I bring to you this fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Song for Dan and Phil

**Author's Note:**

> So... This is a thing now. Enjoy
> 
>  
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicide, Suicide Notes and Major Character Death. If these affect you, please, do not read.

**Dan's PoV**

I stood there. The wind whipped around my lanky legs, stinging and rubbing them sore. It didn't matter anyway. They probably looked better that way. My legs were too pale and there was not enough muscle there, making them too thin. They were so _ugly_. That's why I went on that fasting diet, so I wouldn't be ugly. It had made me skinnier, My collar bones were definitely more defined now, but it still hadn't made me _pretty_ _._

A gush of wind pushed me forward, trying to push me to my death just a little early. _Wait,_ I thought, _just wait a little longer._ My arms caught the wall behind of me, anchoring me to the safety of the world. I couldn't help but chuckle at that thought. What fucking safety was there on this world for me? I mean, the world is a trap for the stupid and oblivious. People seem to think thsat they can change the world in some way, but no, you cannot. Every medication out there was _already there_ , just not discovered; every formula was _already there_ , just not discovered. Everything is already there, all the answers of the unknown, all of the medicines that haven't been seen yet, just people haven't opened their fucking eyes to see it. That makes me feel scared for the rest of humanity; or what's left of it, I suppose. Everybody is stupid and reckless towards the world, not thinking about how they are leaving it for their children and future generations to come. I hate those people, and that says something as I am one of them.

However, from the stupidity of the world, there is one exception. Phil Lester, my flat mate, my _lover_. He had to care for me, he had to put up with me, he had to fucking live with this mess of a life. And for that, I feel sorry for him. Sorry that he only stayed because of sympathy. Sorry that he had to stay with me for _6 years_ because I made him feel sorry for me. And I sorry that I was a burden on his otherwise light hearted life. So no more burden for Phil, no more ugly face to look at every morning. No. More. Dan.

I thought back to the note that I had left for Phil on my pillow for him to find sometime tomorrow, when I am long gone. It said:

_Dear Phil, I know that you might be confused and that you might be worried, but don't be. I am simply out doing a favour for you. So don't worry, you will never have the burden of me ever again. I am sorry that I made you stay with me for these years because you felt sorry for me. I am sorry Phil.  
_

_I am going to finish my favour to you when Big Ben strikes 3am on Westminster Bridge. 3am because that it was the time of our first kiss and Westminster bridge because it was the place of our last kiss. Bitter sweet, eh?_

_But with my last regards, I would like to officialy announce that Phillip Michael Lester, I love you._

_Don't Forget About Me._

_Daniel James Howell_

~~_I love you_ ~~

That note was stained with my tears. That note was stained with my emotions. I had scribbled out the last bit. It was true, though, I did love him. Fuck, I loved him with all of my heart. It was a shame that the love was not requited. But was it really? Was it that bad that Phil didn't love me? I mean, why would he, first. Why would he love an ugly fuck like me? I was simply trash compared to him. But then again, if there was the slightest possibility that he did love me, then it would be a lot worse. He would have to put up with me a lot more, he would have to look at me when he declared his love to me, which was bad enough as it is. So I guess that if he loved me, then he would be a lot worse off then he is, so it is best that he doesn't. 

I looked around to the time, reading it as 2:03. _Only 57 minutes lef. 57 minutes then you won't have to burden anybody, you won't have to make people look at that ugly face of yours. 57 minutes and you can float, not in the skies in the after life, but in the murky waters of the Thames in death,_ I thougght to myself. These thoughts filled me with a sense of relaxation, so why was it that in  my chest I could still feel a pool of anxiety growing bigge, bigger? This should be a great and marvelous thing. Phil would probably throw a party, so why was I _scared_? Maybe because I was going to give up on my only chance of life, or maybe that I was giving up on my only chance of love. Either way, I was still going to do it. I was still going to die.

~~~~~~~~~

**Phil's PoV**

Dan had been acting strange that day. I guess I should have noticed that morning and stayed with him because of it. But no. I was stupid enough to ignore it. He had been going around with his head down, as if he was hiding something from me. Even when he talked to me, his head remained lowered, as if he didn't want me to see something. He had also been refraining from my touch. Normally we would cuddle up in the afternoon and watch a movie. However, this time we watched a mivie, but he sat on the opposite side of the sofa, the furthest he could get from me. I just thought that he was annoyed with me about something or stressed about the festive season quickly approaching. 

He had also gone to bed at a much earlier time than usual, saying that he was tired. I mean, that did send my mind whirling a little bit. He normally goes to bed way after me, maybe at 3am, so the unusual time of midnight was a littlw worrying. But the thick-as-shit me didn't think of going to his room as well, I figured that he wanted alone time. So that's why when I went into hisroom later in the night, my heart broke.

I remember getting quite tired that night, so I started going to my room. However, I decided to check on my boyfriend first, just to make sure that he was okay. I didn't knock in fear of maybe waking him, so I just quietly entered, expecting to see him sleeping in his bed, or maybe on his macbook in his bed. But the sight that I saw was not what i was expecting.

On the pillow where his head should have been was a note and the rest of the room was empty. The window was open, letting a breaze. I walked gingerly over to his bed and with shaking hands, picked up the note. Tears were like a river down my face as I read it, my heart heart sinking in my chest. I collapsed onto my knees, waves of sobs. I looked up at his clock, only to see that it was only 2:12. _I can get there if I sprint as fast as I can,_ I thought. So that's what I did. Grabbing a coat, my phone, my wallet and my keys, I left our apartment.

On the way, I had multiple drunkards yell at me because of me running past them at such speeds. But they could go fuck themselves, I had more important things to think about then the publics safety. _Dan. Dan, Dan,_ I thought. It was the only thing that I could think, really. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, passing the famous museums, passing the popular pubs of London. I checked the time from my phone, 2:57. I had 3 minutes, I could get there, if only I could speed up. So I pushed myself to the limit, running like I had never run before.

I turned a corner and I could see the bridge. I could also see a figure standing right at the very edge of it. No, I could see Dan, my friend, my flat mate, my _lover_ standing at the very edge of it.

"DAN! DAN I'M HERE!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. However, he couldn't hear me because the clock struck 3am.

He leant forward.

He fell.

I screamed.

I collapsed.

~~~~~~~~

The next month was a blur of people trying to help. Nothing worked though. I was still me. I was still numb. I never recovered from that incident. I couldn't talk about it, I didn't share anything about it, but I sure as hell thought about it. The image of _him_ falling replayed itself in my mind countless amounts of times. I couldn't escape it, it seemed impossible.

So that's why I did the same. On the 23rd of December, 2015, I fell to my death on the Westminster Bridge when Big Ben struck 3am.

All that I put in my note was:

_Dear everybody, Don't Forget About Me_

_Phil Lester_

**Author's Note:**

> I... Well.. This was hard to write....  
> Sorry


End file.
